Misspent Youth

I've never taken class A drugs. I have never been arrested or even close. I have never drunk so much I have needed my stomach pumped or woken up with someone and thought- "Who the bloody hell is this?"
The closest I came to that was waking up with a revolting love bite on my neck and some vague recollections of passing out in front of the night club and all my friends giving up on my whereabouts. In NO WAY did I kick a man out at 7am....OK I did, but REALLY nothing happened - he wrote to me a bit afterwards while I was at university but from the letters I still have, evidently I didn't write back.

I smoked cannabis a couple of times. Once in my teenage years and all I recall is a VERY difficult conversation with my boyfriend's father and some dreams where weapons were being hurled in my general direction. At university and throughout my formative years, whilst others partook in the green stuff, I stood well clear.

I made a second attempt at the stuff in my mid twenties. It was a mistake. My ex-husband had baked some 'special cookies' for my dreadful back pain. I ate one. He claimed he had barely put any into the mix. I went to bed and in the minutes and hours that followed, I lost use of my tongue and speech and became paralysed temporarily from the neck down. I actually thought I was dying. The next day I still felt terrible and the floor felt like it was sponge when I waked.
Yes a 'special cannabis cookie' did that to me. Thank CHRIST I never decided to try anything else.

I can count my sexual partners on less than 10 fingers. I have had ONE one-night stand and I knew it would be such. Though to be truthful it was a 'one afternoon stand'.
It was a little out of character but he was several years my junior with the body of a god. Fortunately he will never read this - it WOULD go to his head.
I have never 'experimented' with anyone of the same sex or even questioned whether I could bat for both teams. I tend to like to actually really care for someone or at least be insanely attracted to them as in last fling. It took me two years to get over one of my relationships. I was TOTALLY devastated by the end of it.

I did have a period in my early twenties, shortly after finishing university and before I began full time employment, of going out several nights a week and getting absolutely TRASHED on Southern Comfort. My best friend and I would pride ourselves on drinking a double, neat and then whatever revolting shot we could get our hands on. To this day she cannot LOOK at a bottle of Aftershock.I think we had a few messy nights and spent one evening - the pair of us in my looong time on-off-on-off boyfriend's bed with him. It wasn't what you think.

One of the posts I put on here was 25 things about me. When I first wrote it- for one of those silly Facebook things, I concluded I was pretty dull.
I do NOT like late nights, I don't have my music really loud, I have never done an extreme sport or activity. I HATE the idea of motorbikes. I told my old boss that I'd never be into gardening as she predicted. This year I have paid my brother to tidy up my tiny garden. I have planted a bed of heather, a buddleia and am waiting on some bluebells and dwarf lavender munstead. Yes that's right, I said dwarf lavender munstead. It is a variety and I know what it is.
This birthday I'll be 34. There are no wild times to look back on. And it's not even because I've settled into family life young. I told my brother-in-law the other day he was sensible. He immediately decided I meant dull. I didn't. Perhaps I'm sensible too?