25 more things about me

 I was going to write about my new job today but have decided it's far too early in the day.
I have nothing interesting to say and so what could be more dull than 25 more things about me.

1. I never had a crush on a school teacher/lecturer. However in my final teaching practice, my mentor had a crush on me and made a massively inappropriate pass at me whilst 'helping me' apply for jobs. Having been told this was not on, he turned up to my Saturday job with kids in tow to apologise. Spot on! 
2. I lived for 18 months in a caravan. Some days I'd just come home and cry. The floor was rotten, there were rats and often no hot water. I did it to be with my fiancee. Never again.
3. I have been told over the years that I look like- Elizabeth Hurley, Neve Campbell & Uma Thurman. Less joyous was being told I looked like Monica Lewinsky and Richard Vranch. (http://richardvranch.com/)
4. I have changed my name by deed poll twice. I will never change my name again. It is too much agro - not even if Sam Worthington goes down on one knee.
5. My own marriage proposal was made outside a nightclub toilet.
6. I spent Millennium New Year in London. It was one of the all time worst nights ever. We lost my 4'11 friend within minutes and then all the phones crashed. It was a shit night spent wondering how we'd explain to our friend's parents that she was 'somewhere' on the Embankment amongst 999,999 other people.
7. My claims to fame are - I have met Derren Brown. I shook his hand, asked him a question and he was perfectly lovely. The drummer from Dexys' Midnight Runners played for my Dad's band Windjammer before making Come on Eileen and other hits ????
8. Once when the girls who lived above my flat in Bath kept me and my bf awake at hideous o clock when we both had to get up early the next day, I cut their power. It was funny.
9. My nose is pierced. I'll be 34 soon. I had it done at 19 and every so often I wonder if I'm too sad and old for it. On the day I had it done, so did my friend. She decided the stud was too big and removed it within 10 minutes to replace with smaller stud. There was a lot of blood and some terrified children in Sainsbury's.
10. I am phobic about blood tests, well specifically veins. I once passed out at school watching a kidney dialysis procedure on video. To this today I have to be accompanied by my mum and have several staff restraining/calming me. It is a major NHS operation to take a few mls of blood from me.
11. My favourite book is Jerome K Jerome's Three Men In a Boat. I read it after I was told I was a philistine for not having read it. This was also on final teaching practice. My mentor was oddly jealous of the male teacher who told me about the book and so ceased speaking to me for a day.
12. I have an extensive 'self help' section in my personal library. FYI don't bother with The Sedona Method .... EVER- it is the the biggest load of horse crap I have ever read. Apart from when I was loaned a Jackie Collins book for 'escapism' and couldn't read beyond page 50. Drivel. Utter drivel.
13. I am allergic to horses. They hate me. They always bite me.
14. I invented Bearngo. Bingo with a Bear Grylls theme. Our secretary at work had a major crush and it was her 40th birthday theme. I also made 'Bear' party bags. I'm a saddo.
15. My primary school once sat me between the two naughtiest boys in the class on a school trip for my 'good influence' on them. I wound them up good and proper and they got in worse trouble than ever before.
16. Never fall asleep next to me on a coach trip. You will wake up in full make up. One ex boyfriend did not find this amusing.
17. At a fireworks party, my family thought it would be funny to spell out the bad c word with sparklers. It was funny. 
18. I have owned 3 cars since I learned to drive. Two of them have been Ford KA's. I drive one now.  Oddly enough I bought it EXACTLY 9 years after the first one...to the day.
19. I am interested in Buddhism. When I did the Metta Bhavana practice - my 'neutral person' became a friend and my 'difficult person' apologised to me out of the blue and recently wrote me a gushing letter of thanks and appreciation. Powerful stuff. 
20. I took my first flight abroad at the age of 12. I travelled alone and stayed with a family I didn't know but who were friends of my father. This horrifies some people but I think it was a good thing. 
21. This year I'm taking a 10 day holiday alone to the Maldives. I don't need to sell my gran after all.
22. I'm studying for British Sign Language 1. Yesterday I learned the word cauliflower - I'm sure it'll be very useful.
23. I should be on commission from Danny Wallace. I have probably shifted more of his books than Waterstones. I tell EVERYONE to read his stuff. Danny is my god. 
24. I have a blue belt in kick-boxing.
25. This year I invested in prescription sunglasses. It is a revelation! I can see AND drive in the sun!
    

Worse things happen at sea....

I'm doing a nightly meditation under strict instructions from my mother. Once again I have reached 'danger zone' on my worry and stress levels and something has to give. With luck it won't be me.
Every night when I go to bed, I have a 15 minute guided meditation with soothing music and some nice person saying nice things to me for a quarter of an hour. It's worth a shot. It's certainly nicer than Apeface next door hollering and banging on the wall.
I've mentioned Apeface before, in my post Leopards never change their spots. He's a prat of the highest order. I now have a battle on with my neighbour who is trying to pretend her dumb-arse boyfriend Apeface is not REALLY living there (her benefits will suffer) and that he isn't REALLY keeping us all awake. Silly little girl- I will win.

A friend of mine said to me today that despite this and other things I am currently worried about, Worse things happen at sea and that there are monsters there too. Apparently worse than the kraken, though I find that hard to believe - Unless of course you mean the woman who until then end of February, I worked for- now she I DO believe is a monster. Incidentally, last man standing at my previous workplace is no longer standing. We did all jump ship as I predicted. Time will tell whether jumping into monster ridden seas was a better option than working for one.

Meanwhile I wait for my CRB check to come through and have never been more painfully aware that a watched pot never boils. I'm as squeaky clean as they come so it's all very frustrating.
Next Tuesday I have to travel to Cambridge to register at another agency. I cannot WAIT to get this all sorted. This leads me nicely to my next thought...

 I have also been thinking a lot about William and the very lovely Kate now the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Some years ago...and we're talking a loooong time now, I thought it would be rather nice if William married me. We share a birthday (though he never sends me a card). This is about all I can think of that we would have in common. Watching Kate and her father walk down the aisle of Wabbey (they call themselves that on Twitter) I thought it was probably for the best that William had not met me at Bath Spa University and seen me in some see through lacy get up. If my father made it up the aisle of Westminster Abbey, that would be a remarkable feat in itself. He is about as unfit a man as you can imagine, having decided to give up on food and concentrate solely on alcohol as fuel. We are also estranged, him having pretty much decided that his children were of little importance to him. My parents have been divorced a long time. I'm pretty sure that would be 'frowned upon' by the Palace too. Yes they have their divorces, but in 'commoners' coming in, NOT so desirable.
I'm also pretty sure they would not like my attitude to their pastimes and sporting interests. I'm in camp 'fox' and not in camp 'twat on a horse'. Like my mother frequently says, the idea of sport should be a genuine competition. Not where one side is HUGELY outnumbered and had no choice about their participation. I think it'd be interesting to send the royals out and chase them down on horseback for fun. See how sporting they thought it was then?

I'd not have been as dignified as Kate either. Her peering over her shoulder at the crowd as she left the balcony and her 'Oh wow' would have been me jumping up and down and making a show of myself. I wore a green dress on my wedding day - I'm guessing that wouldn't have been ok either.

Tomorrow it is the AV vote. I shall be voting the way Mr Cameron does NOT want me to vote. What will be will be. Worse things happen at sea. David Cameron and George Osborne could be running the country.
Oh wait.....