People Watching

I had a mail today from someone. It mentioned amongst other things, people watching in the Summer. I get important emails..

Today I have been watching and have obviously been watched too. The female flight attendant who is in a group with flashing pilot came over to me this pm whilst I’m lying on the sunbed like Silas Greenback and she is like Kylie Minogue and said she was making coffee, would I like some? She’d noticed I was on my own like she was. So I did. She had assumed I was also cabin crew as who in their right mind would come to Honeymoon capital the Maldives on their own…especially when their own honeymoon had been here. Yes I am mental but this place is sooo beautiful and who knows when I’ll get to return otherwise.

A male friend of mine has unpleasantly suggested that she was coming on to me. I think not. But he says that IF it does happen, he’d like it recorded. Men.

In the hut block next to ours (me and the flight attendant)  there is a couple who are so physically mismatched it is untrue. She is tall, young, athletic and beautiful and dresses with chic ease and class. He is short, fat, very baldy with greasy hair, has been sporting a pink shirt and unforgiveable brown shoes today. He is not a pretty man. I will assume he is loaded. Though if he is, he should have rented out a sunset villa and not a beach cottage. Cheapskate.

Then there was the Australian couple at shark feeding. They were sitting with a large German woman who I’m drawing massive conclusions about, but I suspect to be the General Manager type woman who responds to the TripAdvisor comments about the resort. She was telling them about the resident heron, the fish….including the Titan Triggerfish which I’ll go on to. It was the woman who I found particularly intriguing. She’s an Aussie. They know a thing or two about sun safety, right? Slip Slap Slop and all that? Well she was lobster pink sitting looking out to sea this evening. Silly woman.

The German couple are funny. She looks about 15 and him late 20’s/early 30’s. Dunno where he was this morning whilst she was on the beach but she was frigging useless on her own. Not like me with my books, ipod, snorkel mask and colouring book.

There are some loud Arabs here too. They sat in a massive group at the bar and it’s incredible to me that someone didn’t throw their approx. 9 yr old child into the sea this evening, especially when in front of the parents, he tried to snatch a reed from a small Chinese boy’s hand when he was pretending to fish. He then shouted ‘here’ a lot at the guy throwing tuna offcuts to the sharks. I bet I wasn’t the only person to think he should be diced in the bucket if he carried on with his loud obnoxious behaviour. His family seemed oblivious.

This morning I've been flashed!

It's not what I expect or want from a holiday here and quite frankly he's playing a dicey game in a Muslim country. But then I suspect he is a pilot and therefore doubtless a bit arrogant. Perhaps taking his trunks off in the sea and standing up and seeing if female beachgoers are paying attention works. I paid none.

Been snorkeling under the water huts and seen some cool fish. Happier now!

Napoli Pizza

Today I discovered some more exciting fish. After braving it a bit further from the shore, I saw a couple of bigger fish ahead. Decided too get closer and then saw that they were titan triggerfish.  On my last trip to the Maldives (hahah that makes me sound like I come here all the time) a guy at the resort I was on had to be medevaced out because he’d tried to feed one of these notoriously territorial fish and had his nose bitten off. Needless to say I sodded off pretty quick. They have some evil teeth. Oh and I rescued a bee from the see who’d flown in and was drowning. The bees here look terrifying. Massive black shiny things.

So it turns out the make-do reef the fish are shacking up in is under the water huts. Saw loads there today and can stop sulking at the lack of fish now. Tomorrow I’m going to swim the length of the huts and see what’s there.  There was a HUGE puffer/box fish today. About 60cm-70cm I reckon.

This evening I thought I’d leave the buffet restaurant and take advantage of my other half board option here. Sand Coast. Setting is lovely – on the beach lit by candles and tables under the palm trees and the equator stars. (If like me you take an interest in the sky, the stars here are so fantastic- there’s no light pollution to speak of and so different to the skies at home). They showed me the menu and said that apart from the lobster I could anything on half board.  I did my usual and explained I was veggie. And lo and behold they had an entirely veggie menu. So I’m sitting on the beach feeling truly blessed and happy having ordered myself a pizza with olives and caramelized onions. Life should be like this I decided, having just come away from sunset drinks watching shark feeding again and listening to some Arabic inspired music. I’m going to make SURE my life is like this.

Then my pizza came. It had an odd smell about it- one I didn’t instantly recognize as ‘food’ and found a bit off-putting. On closer inspection with the candle it’s covered in fish bones and anchovies! Life doesn’t want to be covered in anchovies thanks!

I did what anyone would do- sulked for a minute then called the waiter who proceeds to laugh at me and tell me I ordered Napoli with anchovies. I ask to see the veggie menu again and point out the lack of anchovies mentioned. They serve 2 Napoli- one veggie, one with anchovies. Apparently it was not enough to request a veggie menu, order from it and expect them to know I wanted the veggie version. Grrr.

Didn’t finish the pizza – was sort of put off. Maybe I’ll go back in a couple of days and try again.

Someone I know today said they wouldn’t want to be here – that all that luxury isn’t for them. At first I accepted this. Hours later I decided that’s bullshit. No one in their right mind doesn’t want this.

Being Mortified...

I’m mortified. Actually mortified. I’ve just come in from buffet breakfast- (where I MUST try and get it into my head I do not need to eat everything in the first 2 days and that I can spread my breakfast enjoyment over the 7 remaining days. There is a happy medium between not having any lunch provided under half board, and as my sister suggested, eating til I feel sick and laying on the beach til the sick feeling wears off) and the cleaner was here changing the towels etc. I knew this as I’d seen the mop outside. This is fine – I thought I’d sit on the balcony til he was done. Then noticed that on the bedside table, he’d had to put last night’s abandoned underwear, scrunched into a ball that I’d left in the sheets when it was hot in the night. MORTIFIED! He then walked in and said he was now finished. I’ll be tipping this guy for sure.

Now to my other insane OCD thing. I’m getting ready to hit the beach again, and was glad at breakfast to see my German neighbours just coming in for their meal. This means I can get the sun longers with partial shade and not give myself a hernia trying to beat them out there.

I would LOVE not to be mental. 

I've seen some reef sharks in the shallow water today right by me. It was good but there was no one to tell. They were circling a little shoal of fish. One of these here pics is the shoal which is still hanging about. 

In other news, I'm reading Caitlin Moran's How to be a Woman. It's a different read for me but I'm liking it. 

God alone knows what I've done with my copy of To Kill A Mockingbird which I should be reading for Book Club. However, Caitlin is making me laugh, not sure Harper Lee would....

Later...

 Later on on the 26^th…

I’ve seen a titan trigger fish. This makes me happy. I’m more hopeful I’ll see some exciting fish. Gonna wash the salt off then do a wander round the island…should take me all of 15 minutes, and see where’s good for snorkeling.  There are some clown fish and angel fish under the water huts but it’s not quite like the drop off in Finding Nemo like it was at Lily Beach.  However this place is a bit shinier than Lily Beach was. Next Maldives trip- all new shinier Lily Beach then! Best start saving now…

In a massively shallow way, I’m also loving the fact I already have a holiday glow about me and the merest smudge of eyeliner makes me look ok. In fact if it’s slightly smudgy,  all the better.  AND I’ve not packed like a remtard in my usual fashion.  I have stuff to wear. Sensible, appropriate stuff.

Seen some lizards and my first fruit bat as well today and picked some fallen frangipani flowers off the ground.  In the evening the beach gets covered with teeny crabs, some hermit ones too. Oooh shark feeding in a bit!!

 A bit later still…

I’m at the bar. I’ll post some pictures so you can see just how much I’m slumming it. I’ve ordered a coke to gulp and a mojito to enjoy. The mojito isn’t quite Bab al Shams quality but it ain’t bad. It’ll be shark feeding in a bit – looks like some of the bigger fish have already come in so I’m gonna go look!

It would be nice to be here with someone else but on the other hand I can do what the frig I like. Debating whether it’s too sad to order a shisha for one….

Big fish super cool. Decided not to do the shisha tonight, Went for 2 mojito instead, What’s the plural of mojito? Mojito? Mojitas? 

day 1 proper

Hello.

It’s the 26^th. In my infinite wisdom, to avoid being thrown out by total lack of sleep the previous day and because of the 4 hour time difference, I set my alarm last night for 4 hours different than I would normally get up. This would allow me a leisurely 9am breakfast, stroll around the island and then spend the morning on the beach before avoiding the midday sun in the lobby on Twitter and Facebook. I shall continue with this shortly..

Anyway, I can only blame sleep deprivation for the fact I set my alarm for 12.30pm. BST. We’re four hours AHEAD here. NOT behind. So if I hadn’t been woken by noisy neighbours at 9am Maldives time, I’d have doubtless been rising about 4pm today, thoroughly pissed off.

I’ve done a bit of tentative snorkeling today. I waited til the Japanese neighbours had finished so as not to make a show of myself (everyone except a handful of guests is Japanese). So I went in, trying to remember how to breathe ONLY through my mouth. It’s been 3 years since I last snorkeled. It’s not Lily Beach here. We were spoilt on our honeymoon with the amazing reef there. Here the fish are sporadic and so far I’ve only seen 2 really exciting fish of notable size but then I’ve not been brave yet with how far I’ve swum.  However, I’m utterly relaxed. It is odd going for breakfast etc alone but not awful. It means I don’t waste the day there in the restaurant.

I took some pics of the frangipani and hibiscus flowers by the restaurant. I love the flora here!

I’m off to the lobby in a bit to upload my next batch of pics and to catch up with the wider world. I’m allowed to do it. I’m here alone. What was sad was the number of Japanese couples last night sat engrossed in their own ipads/smartphones, ignoring each other. I wonder how many of them are on honeymoon???

In other news, I won’t die of thirst. The hotel do indeed provide water, contrary to what numpty at the booking office told me. I am squirrelling it away so as to get my full quota and not be dried up/be forced to sell a kidney to pay mini bar prices. I also had ‘post’ this morning by way of a dear Virgin customer satisfaction letter. Someone will apparently ring me in the next couple of days to ensure everything is tickety boo.

Once again, I know I will be longing to return to the Maldives as soon as I’ve left.

Holiday Blog

So lucky people, I’m going to blog the next ten days in an attempt to keep myself occupied whilst alone on holiday and because I’ve been totally shit at keeping my blog up to date.

I’m in Dubai. In Terminal 3. BST is 5:27am. It’s 8:27 in DXB. The gate isn’t open yet and the flight is at 9:45am DXB time.

I’ve had shit all sleep having been sat bolt upright and with a useless pillow that won’t stay up against the aeroplane seat. I was also sat next to two of the dourest Asian women in the entire world.

So now I’m in DXB. Trying hard not to sulk about the fact that one of my very best friends lives here and I won’t see them. I’m just passing through en route to Male and they're passing through the UK as I write this and back here tomorrow. Gutted. Actually gutted. It’s been nearly 2 years since I saw them in person.  I hate being here and not visiting the city because I love it. I seriously considered moving here. Accepted a job and everything.  Then turned it down. After the year I’ve just had, I’m not sure if that was a mistake or not.  It’s hot here. We got off the plane at about 7am and it was already approaching the mid 30’s temperature wise.

On the upside I can’t see a plethora of young, beautiful and in love couples. There are a lot of locals and Indians to whom the concept of queuing is apparently alien. There’s also a family. This is bizarre to me. The Maldives is most definitely NOT a family destination. Make that two families with small children in tow.  Apparently we’ll be boarding soon. The gate is open now!

Next time I write I’ll be on Furanafushi Island! Whoop Whoop!

Ta ta

So I’m here. It’s 1:25pm BST but 5:25 local time. The sun’s going down and there is a storm. It just came over all of a sudden but the palm trees are being blown all over the shop. I’ve had a swim, had a paddle, seen a few fish (but not many) and read my book on the beach feeling utterly relaxed.

On arrival at the airport I was personally met, bags carried and then taken directly to the hotel via speedboat where they proceeded to fleece me for $900 ‘blocked’ on my credit card. Hahahahh dream on Sheraton. I’m planning not to have a bill at the end. I’m paid up and half board.

I wasn’t even motion sick on the boat which is incredible. My room is lovely. I’m directly on the beach and upstairs above another hut. My view is gorgeous. My plan was to pack, wander over for dinner and then sit in the lobby area online and already start boring the arse off everyone with my pics. I’m going to wait for this storm to pass a bit. I should get some pictures!