Worse things happen at sea....

I'm doing a nightly meditation under strict instructions from my mother. Once again I have reached 'danger zone' on my worry and stress levels and something has to give. With luck it won't be me.
Every night when I go to bed, I have a 15 minute guided meditation with soothing music and some nice person saying nice things to me for a quarter of an hour. It's worth a shot. It's certainly nicer than Apeface next door hollering and banging on the wall.
I've mentioned Apeface before, in my post Leopards never change their spots. He's a prat of the highest order. I now have a battle on with my neighbour who is trying to pretend her dumb-arse boyfriend Apeface is not REALLY living there (her benefits will suffer) and that he isn't REALLY keeping us all awake. Silly little girl- I will win.

A friend of mine said to me today that despite this and other things I am currently worried about, Worse things happen at sea and that there are monsters there too. Apparently worse than the kraken, though I find that hard to believe - Unless of course you mean the woman who until then end of February, I worked for- now she I DO believe is a monster. Incidentally, last man standing at my previous workplace is no longer standing. We did all jump ship as I predicted. Time will tell whether jumping into monster ridden seas was a better option than working for one.

Meanwhile I wait for my CRB check to come through and have never been more painfully aware that a watched pot never boils. I'm as squeaky clean as they come so it's all very frustrating.
Next Tuesday I have to travel to Cambridge to register at another agency. I cannot WAIT to get this all sorted. This leads me nicely to my next thought...

 I have also been thinking a lot about William and the very lovely Kate now the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Some years ago...and we're talking a loooong time now, I thought it would be rather nice if William married me. We share a birthday (though he never sends me a card). This is about all I can think of that we would have in common. Watching Kate and her father walk down the aisle of Wabbey (they call themselves that on Twitter) I thought it was probably for the best that William had not met me at Bath Spa University and seen me in some see through lacy get up. If my father made it up the aisle of Westminster Abbey, that would be a remarkable feat in itself. He is about as unfit a man as you can imagine, having decided to give up on food and concentrate solely on alcohol as fuel. We are also estranged, him having pretty much decided that his children were of little importance to him. My parents have been divorced a long time. I'm pretty sure that would be 'frowned upon' by the Palace too. Yes they have their divorces, but in 'commoners' coming in, NOT so desirable.
I'm also pretty sure they would not like my attitude to their pastimes and sporting interests. I'm in camp 'fox' and not in camp 'twat on a horse'. Like my mother frequently says, the idea of sport should be a genuine competition. Not where one side is HUGELY outnumbered and had no choice about their participation. I think it'd be interesting to send the royals out and chase them down on horseback for fun. See how sporting they thought it was then?

I'd not have been as dignified as Kate either. Her peering over her shoulder at the crowd as she left the balcony and her 'Oh wow' would have been me jumping up and down and making a show of myself. I wore a green dress on my wedding day - I'm guessing that wouldn't have been ok either.

Tomorrow it is the AV vote. I shall be voting the way Mr Cameron does NOT want me to vote. What will be will be. Worse things happen at sea. David Cameron and George Osborne could be running the country.
Oh wait.....

Feeling Fabulous

 I have a close friend's wedding to attend in just under two weeks time. She is a very pretty girl and has been preparing for this day for three years. I do not wish to feel like Shrek next to her so I am going all out to look and feel fabulous.
Firstly, I did cave and bought a dress from Coast. It is not the pretty coffee coloured one I posted on here, but is a body-con bright red Jessica Rabbit number. No missing me then.
Then I tried many pairs of shoes I already own with the dress and discovered none were acceptable and that new shoes must be sought. Fortunately Vivienne Westwood had designed the perfect pair, so they are now mine too. It troubles me slightly that the same design has been seen on Katy Perry's and Pamela Anderson's feet. I was more relaxed when I saw Leona Lewis wearing a pair as she does not have the same slightly promiscuous reputation.

It then occured to me that I will not want bad roots showing, so I booked myself a hair dyeing appointment. At the same time, I thought, maybe I should not have GHD straightened hair as is always my look, and as I am incapable of doing up my own hair, I've booked in to have this done too. I have selected a picture of Heidi Klum's updo and shall expect to leave the salon looking just like her.
Then, over the last few weeks, we have had some gloriously sunny weather and I have caught the sun on my face and shoulders but my legs are still frighteningly white. This will never do, so when my sister talked of the Fake Bake spray tan at her spa, and the family discount I would receive, it seemed foolish not to book in for one. Whilst looking at the spa brochure, it also occured to me that it would be rather nice to have a pedicure, even though you will not see my feet. But why have a pedicure without a manicure? So I have this booked too.
Like a fool, I then realised THERE IS NO BAG. What to do? It must be gold and heart shaped. I have now rectified this but have been slightly more sensible and got this from Ebay. 
I am now on a severely low food shopping budget in order that I look fabulous and do not get into a fight with the bank. Priorities.
I have upped my fitness regime and ran my best time this week. I went swimming this week and ran twice.
I hope none of my other friends plan to get married any time soon. I will need to sell a kidney.

Common sense and sisterhood

This week I am a bit narked.
One of my friends has been grossly insensitive. I finalised my divorce in November and another of our friends is going through a tricky divorce still. Therefore, neither of us were pleased to receive an email inviting us to buy Wedding products from our friend.
Know your friends, know your audience.
Rather than randomly send the email to all and sundry on your list, take the time to think;

• is this the right way to get business?


• are any of these people getting married?


• are they likely to get married again?


• if they do get married again, are they likely to use my services when I am so grossly insensitive?

There, venting done.

Point made I hope.