Love

I'm reading 59 Seconds at the moment. I'm not reading it avidly because it's not that sort of a book, but I am paying interest to it. I read a chapter about love the other day and whether you can 'manufacture' it. Interesting reading. Apparently if you look deeply into the eyes of someone else, the sort of feelings you get when you do so with the person you love, can be recreated.
Worrying! Makes me think I should wear my sunglasses more frequently.

Today I was asked about a boyfriend of mine from the very distant past. I was asked what had ever possessed me. I replied that I'd been young and that it didn't matter anyway because I hadn't been in love with him anyway. No harm done.

In a conversation I had with someone last month, I said that I thought you (and I can only account for myself on this one) only know if you were in love afterwards. In reflection.
I can say this as a singleton, someone for whom love has not yet worked out, it's easy for me to reflect.
I think I've been in love twice. Genuinely in love.
The first time I was terribly happy and thought the world of my boyfriend. He was, and still is very clever, funny and always made time for me. When we split up it took me over two years to bounce back from it. Shockingly sad but true. It didn't help that I had to live with him.
The second time I fell in love, I married him and was not happy very much of the time but I let so much go; so many things I was unhappy or uncomfortable with, because I loved him. I cannot say what it was he felt for me. I don't think it was a healthy relationship for either of us.
Anything else I have been involved in has either never amounted to love or has been infatuation. It's easy to see after the event, but at the time, you can be convinced otherwise.

I'm always puzzled by people who seem to jump from one relationship to the next. Particularly those who get involved seriously very quickly. This is alien to me. I cannot get my head around it because it's the opposite of what I do. The person who asked me about this long time ago boyfriend, is unhappy being alone. He has been alone since the beginning of the year and hates it.
I am quite sure he did not want to hear my 'you need to be happy alone first'. But it is true. It took me a long time to reach this point, but I am there. It is a nice place to be.

I also had the 'soulmates' conversation a while back too. I think I know one couple who I truly believe are soulmates. I don't think they could function without the other one. They have been together for over 35 years and are still crazy for each other. Impressive. I'm not sure I believe in soulmates for everyone. If you've found yours, then I am delighted for you and well done. Love is a minefield and I don't have a good track record in this particular minefield. I wear heavy boots and tread in the wrong places.

I leave you with this quote which is apparently taken from Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."