The Child Catcher

(other pic is little reef shark scaring the shoal of fish)

Remember him? From Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? If you remember nothing else of this film you should remember Neuschwanstein, the castle where some of the scenes were shot (and where one day I shall live) and the child catcher. A singularly terrifying individual, who sniffs out children to lock up. I’m not alone in finding him terrifying. Everyone I know did, or still does. I’ve never seen IT or Nightmare on Elm Street, so for me, this ballet dancer was the epitome of scary.

Why am I banging on about the child catcher you may ask? Well, being here alone, I have no one to take pictures of me in pretty locations. So, because I would like to look back at my photos and KNOW I was here, I’ve taken some myself. It also means my family can see I did ‘cope’ and didn’t sit on my balcony feeling sorry for myself. I took one of myself last night and was so disgusted with it, it went straight into the little bin in the bottom right hand corner of the screen. In my attempts to have different angles, I caught myself at a particularly nice angle and looked exactly like the child catcher.

I have my father’s nose. Not literally as this would be most inconvenient for him and I’d get thoroughly sick of dealing with the nasal hair. But I have his family nose and not my mother’s family nose. So does my brother. While I was growing up, I hated it. Now I rarely think about it. I have the sort of face that looks fine now, but that needed growing into, not size wise but the maturity of my more ‘elegant’ than cute and squashy features. I have most definitely improved with age.

So having dwelled upon my similarity to the child catcher, I then dream I AM the child catcher in some bizarre play and for which I must source my own costume from a mall. I could get NO-ONE to understand what the costume was like and kept being shown outfits in manner of Cheryl Cole in the Fight For This Love video.

In the cold light of day and safe from my odd dreams, I spent some of this afternoon in the hotel lobby. They provide free WiFi – it’s $23 a day in my room. I may as well crack open the mini bar, take a robe and be done! So I make a daily trip to the lobby with my laptop. Today there was an offensive and precocious Chinese girl there with her mother, arguing the toss over the bungalow they were in. She wanted an upgrade. This is the child and not the mother I must add.
Children under 12 are not allowed in a water bungalow for safety reasons. The precocious brat was not accepting this and argued with the girl at the desk whilst her simpering and ineffectual mother looked on, unable to contribute due to language barriers. 
My problem with her is the way she allowed her daughter to speak to the girl at the desk. Certainly one for the child catcher to round up.

There aren’t too many children here which is a good thing. The Maldives is NOT a family destination. I like children, OBVIOUSLY. My life revolves around them at work. I don’t like brats. I like brats even less on my relaxing holiday.

A few years ago I had the misfortune to holiday in Cornwall with a family. It was a camping trip. This had nothing whatsoever to do with the child who was an absolute delight and a total credit to his mother. I will not credit his father as he and my ex-husband (peas in a pod) spent the whole week being thoroughly selfish and never allowing the 7 year old child the kind of fun he should have been having. The week revolved around them and their smoking of cannabis. The child was an angel and had the patience of a saint.

Recently I met up with his mother. She and I are now both blessedly free of the selfish men and congratulated each other on this. Perhaps there should be a useless waste of space ex partner catcher as well? 

Holiday me, At home me

After my healthy lunch of Toblerone and paprika chips from the overpriced tat shop, I went back to the beach to work on looking less like a beluga whale. There are some flaws to applying your own suncream to your back. I’m going to start looking ‘special’ soon. Anyway, after lengthy but futile application of suncream and armed with; water, beach towel, ipod, two books, keys, spare phone, hairbrush, suncream, hat and snorkel gear, I headed down the steps of my room to the beach. Once there I discovered I had no sunglasses and had to go back. I did this dressed only in my bikini. 

It occurred to me as I was coming down the stairs thusly, on what is a main thoroughfare through the island, how I wouldn’t be caught dead like this at home. Essentially what I’m wearing is a non-padded, non underwired bra and some brightly coloured lycra knickers that scream –look at my arse! I’ve looked better. I also have with me a straw cowboy style hat that I know I shall never wear again when I’m home. Here it’s great.

At home my breakfast consists of a daily mug of chocolate Nesquik. Here, I have a buffet breakfast of tea AND orange juice. I also have at least two courses. There is the ‘savoury’ part of hash browns, grilled tomato, toast, beans and eggs and then the breakfast ‘dessert’ of croissants, nutella, mini doughnuts, pastries and fruit. Some people shove it all on one plate. To me that is barbaric. My sister says the secret to half board is to stuff yourself at breakfast until you feel sick, and then lay in the sun until the sick feeling wears off. I have followed this plan to a certain extent but am now stealing an apple at breakfast and having a 5pm drink with bar snacks before dinner. Today’s lunch of toblerone and crisps was fit for a king.

Tonight is the first night I have been in anyway ‘holiday experimental’ with my clothes. I’m wearing a dress I bought from the Next online sale. Never worn it. It’s a difficult length and is sheer and multi coloured. We’ll see if I like it or not. On my last holiday here I dressed like an absolute moron. Why on holiday you should abandon all the rules you usually follow at home is anybody’s guess but I did it too.

At home I’d kick up a stink if I was served tea without milk. Here I think I look ‘European’ and sophisticated so I drink it black.

Today I resisted the tat in the shop. Last holiday we came home with half a suitcase full of it. I have bought myself one single carved fish to go with the two from the last trip. This way, I’ll HAVE to keep coming back to build a collection.

It’s my sister’s birthday today. I looked in the shop with her in mind. Bloody hell. Unless she wants some stupidly ornate shell vase or a ludicrously priced bejeweled calculator, she’s out of luck. I’ll get her something when I get home. 

Something I am universally agreed on is poor behaviour from children in restaurants. Never ok. Never acceptable. 

People Watching

I had a mail today from someone. It mentioned amongst other things, people watching in the Summer. I get important emails..

Today I have been watching and have obviously been watched too. The female flight attendant who is in a group with flashing pilot came over to me this pm whilst I’m lying on the sunbed like Silas Greenback and she is like Kylie Minogue and said she was making coffee, would I like some? She’d noticed I was on my own like she was. So I did. She had assumed I was also cabin crew as who in their right mind would come to Honeymoon capital the Maldives on their own…especially when their own honeymoon had been here. Yes I am mental but this place is sooo beautiful and who knows when I’ll get to return otherwise.

A male friend of mine has unpleasantly suggested that she was coming on to me. I think not. But he says that IF it does happen, he’d like it recorded. Men.

In the hut block next to ours (me and the flight attendant)  there is a couple who are so physically mismatched it is untrue. She is tall, young, athletic and beautiful and dresses with chic ease and class. He is short, fat, very baldy with greasy hair, has been sporting a pink shirt and unforgiveable brown shoes today. He is not a pretty man. I will assume he is loaded. Though if he is, he should have rented out a sunset villa and not a beach cottage. Cheapskate.

Then there was the Australian couple at shark feeding. They were sitting with a large German woman who I’m drawing massive conclusions about, but I suspect to be the General Manager type woman who responds to the TripAdvisor comments about the resort. She was telling them about the resident heron, the fish….including the Titan Triggerfish which I’ll go on to. It was the woman who I found particularly intriguing. She’s an Aussie. They know a thing or two about sun safety, right? Slip Slap Slop and all that? Well she was lobster pink sitting looking out to sea this evening. Silly woman.

The German couple are funny. She looks about 15 and him late 20’s/early 30’s. Dunno where he was this morning whilst she was on the beach but she was frigging useless on her own. Not like me with my books, ipod, snorkel mask and colouring book.

There are some loud Arabs here too. They sat in a massive group at the bar and it’s incredible to me that someone didn’t throw their approx. 9 yr old child into the sea this evening, especially when in front of the parents, he tried to snatch a reed from a small Chinese boy’s hand when he was pretending to fish. He then shouted ‘here’ a lot at the guy throwing tuna offcuts to the sharks. I bet I wasn’t the only person to think he should be diced in the bucket if he carried on with his loud obnoxious behaviour. His family seemed oblivious.

This morning I've been flashed!

It's not what I expect or want from a holiday here and quite frankly he's playing a dicey game in a Muslim country. But then I suspect he is a pilot and therefore doubtless a bit arrogant. Perhaps taking his trunks off in the sea and standing up and seeing if female beachgoers are paying attention works. I paid none.

Been snorkeling under the water huts and seen some cool fish. Happier now!

Napoli Pizza

Today I discovered some more exciting fish. After braving it a bit further from the shore, I saw a couple of bigger fish ahead. Decided too get closer and then saw that they were titan triggerfish.  On my last trip to the Maldives (hahah that makes me sound like I come here all the time) a guy at the resort I was on had to be medevaced out because he’d tried to feed one of these notoriously territorial fish and had his nose bitten off. Needless to say I sodded off pretty quick. They have some evil teeth. Oh and I rescued a bee from the see who’d flown in and was drowning. The bees here look terrifying. Massive black shiny things.

So it turns out the make-do reef the fish are shacking up in is under the water huts. Saw loads there today and can stop sulking at the lack of fish now. Tomorrow I’m going to swim the length of the huts and see what’s there.  There was a HUGE puffer/box fish today. About 60cm-70cm I reckon.

This evening I thought I’d leave the buffet restaurant and take advantage of my other half board option here. Sand Coast. Setting is lovely – on the beach lit by candles and tables under the palm trees and the equator stars. (If like me you take an interest in the sky, the stars here are so fantastic- there’s no light pollution to speak of and so different to the skies at home). They showed me the menu and said that apart from the lobster I could anything on half board.  I did my usual and explained I was veggie. And lo and behold they had an entirely veggie menu. So I’m sitting on the beach feeling truly blessed and happy having ordered myself a pizza with olives and caramelized onions. Life should be like this I decided, having just come away from sunset drinks watching shark feeding again and listening to some Arabic inspired music. I’m going to make SURE my life is like this.

Then my pizza came. It had an odd smell about it- one I didn’t instantly recognize as ‘food’ and found a bit off-putting. On closer inspection with the candle it’s covered in fish bones and anchovies! Life doesn’t want to be covered in anchovies thanks!

I did what anyone would do- sulked for a minute then called the waiter who proceeds to laugh at me and tell me I ordered Napoli with anchovies. I ask to see the veggie menu again and point out the lack of anchovies mentioned. They serve 2 Napoli- one veggie, one with anchovies. Apparently it was not enough to request a veggie menu, order from it and expect them to know I wanted the veggie version. Grrr.

Didn’t finish the pizza – was sort of put off. Maybe I’ll go back in a couple of days and try again.

Someone I know today said they wouldn’t want to be here – that all that luxury isn’t for them. At first I accepted this. Hours later I decided that’s bullshit. No one in their right mind doesn’t want this.

Being Mortified...

I’m mortified. Actually mortified. I’ve just come in from buffet breakfast- (where I MUST try and get it into my head I do not need to eat everything in the first 2 days and that I can spread my breakfast enjoyment over the 7 remaining days. There is a happy medium between not having any lunch provided under half board, and as my sister suggested, eating til I feel sick and laying on the beach til the sick feeling wears off) and the cleaner was here changing the towels etc. I knew this as I’d seen the mop outside. This is fine – I thought I’d sit on the balcony til he was done. Then noticed that on the bedside table, he’d had to put last night’s abandoned underwear, scrunched into a ball that I’d left in the sheets when it was hot in the night. MORTIFIED! He then walked in and said he was now finished. I’ll be tipping this guy for sure.

Now to my other insane OCD thing. I’m getting ready to hit the beach again, and was glad at breakfast to see my German neighbours just coming in for their meal. This means I can get the sun longers with partial shade and not give myself a hernia trying to beat them out there.

I would LOVE not to be mental. 

I've seen some reef sharks in the shallow water today right by me. It was good but there was no one to tell. They were circling a little shoal of fish. One of these here pics is the shoal which is still hanging about. 

In other news, I'm reading Caitlin Moran's How to be a Woman. It's a different read for me but I'm liking it. 

God alone knows what I've done with my copy of To Kill A Mockingbird which I should be reading for Book Club. However, Caitlin is making me laugh, not sure Harper Lee would....

Later...

 Later on on the 26^th…

I’ve seen a titan trigger fish. This makes me happy. I’m more hopeful I’ll see some exciting fish. Gonna wash the salt off then do a wander round the island…should take me all of 15 minutes, and see where’s good for snorkeling.  There are some clown fish and angel fish under the water huts but it’s not quite like the drop off in Finding Nemo like it was at Lily Beach.  However this place is a bit shinier than Lily Beach was. Next Maldives trip- all new shinier Lily Beach then! Best start saving now…

In a massively shallow way, I’m also loving the fact I already have a holiday glow about me and the merest smudge of eyeliner makes me look ok. In fact if it’s slightly smudgy,  all the better.  AND I’ve not packed like a remtard in my usual fashion.  I have stuff to wear. Sensible, appropriate stuff.

Seen some lizards and my first fruit bat as well today and picked some fallen frangipani flowers off the ground.  In the evening the beach gets covered with teeny crabs, some hermit ones too. Oooh shark feeding in a bit!!

 A bit later still…

I’m at the bar. I’ll post some pictures so you can see just how much I’m slumming it. I’ve ordered a coke to gulp and a mojito to enjoy. The mojito isn’t quite Bab al Shams quality but it ain’t bad. It’ll be shark feeding in a bit – looks like some of the bigger fish have already come in so I’m gonna go look!

It would be nice to be here with someone else but on the other hand I can do what the frig I like. Debating whether it’s too sad to order a shisha for one….

Big fish super cool. Decided not to do the shisha tonight, Went for 2 mojito instead, What’s the plural of mojito? Mojito? Mojitas? 

day 1 proper

Hello.

It’s the 26^th. In my infinite wisdom, to avoid being thrown out by total lack of sleep the previous day and because of the 4 hour time difference, I set my alarm last night for 4 hours different than I would normally get up. This would allow me a leisurely 9am breakfast, stroll around the island and then spend the morning on the beach before avoiding the midday sun in the lobby on Twitter and Facebook. I shall continue with this shortly..

Anyway, I can only blame sleep deprivation for the fact I set my alarm for 12.30pm. BST. We’re four hours AHEAD here. NOT behind. So if I hadn’t been woken by noisy neighbours at 9am Maldives time, I’d have doubtless been rising about 4pm today, thoroughly pissed off.

I’ve done a bit of tentative snorkeling today. I waited til the Japanese neighbours had finished so as not to make a show of myself (everyone except a handful of guests is Japanese). So I went in, trying to remember how to breathe ONLY through my mouth. It’s been 3 years since I last snorkeled. It’s not Lily Beach here. We were spoilt on our honeymoon with the amazing reef there. Here the fish are sporadic and so far I’ve only seen 2 really exciting fish of notable size but then I’ve not been brave yet with how far I’ve swum.  However, I’m utterly relaxed. It is odd going for breakfast etc alone but not awful. It means I don’t waste the day there in the restaurant.

I took some pics of the frangipani and hibiscus flowers by the restaurant. I love the flora here!

I’m off to the lobby in a bit to upload my next batch of pics and to catch up with the wider world. I’m allowed to do it. I’m here alone. What was sad was the number of Japanese couples last night sat engrossed in their own ipads/smartphones, ignoring each other. I wonder how many of them are on honeymoon???

In other news, I won’t die of thirst. The hotel do indeed provide water, contrary to what numpty at the booking office told me. I am squirrelling it away so as to get my full quota and not be dried up/be forced to sell a kidney to pay mini bar prices. I also had ‘post’ this morning by way of a dear Virgin customer satisfaction letter. Someone will apparently ring me in the next couple of days to ensure everything is tickety boo.

Once again, I know I will be longing to return to the Maldives as soon as I’ve left.

Holiday Blog

So lucky people, I’m going to blog the next ten days in an attempt to keep myself occupied whilst alone on holiday and because I’ve been totally shit at keeping my blog up to date.

I’m in Dubai. In Terminal 3. BST is 5:27am. It’s 8:27 in DXB. The gate isn’t open yet and the flight is at 9:45am DXB time.

I’ve had shit all sleep having been sat bolt upright and with a useless pillow that won’t stay up against the aeroplane seat. I was also sat next to two of the dourest Asian women in the entire world.

So now I’m in DXB. Trying hard not to sulk about the fact that one of my very best friends lives here and I won’t see them. I’m just passing through en route to Male and they're passing through the UK as I write this and back here tomorrow. Gutted. Actually gutted. It’s been nearly 2 years since I saw them in person.  I hate being here and not visiting the city because I love it. I seriously considered moving here. Accepted a job and everything.  Then turned it down. After the year I’ve just had, I’m not sure if that was a mistake or not.  It’s hot here. We got off the plane at about 7am and it was already approaching the mid 30’s temperature wise.

On the upside I can’t see a plethora of young, beautiful and in love couples. There are a lot of locals and Indians to whom the concept of queuing is apparently alien. There’s also a family. This is bizarre to me. The Maldives is most definitely NOT a family destination. Make that two families with small children in tow.  Apparently we’ll be boarding soon. The gate is open now!

Next time I write I’ll be on Furanafushi Island! Whoop Whoop!

Ta ta

So I’m here. It’s 1:25pm BST but 5:25 local time. The sun’s going down and there is a storm. It just came over all of a sudden but the palm trees are being blown all over the shop. I’ve had a swim, had a paddle, seen a few fish (but not many) and read my book on the beach feeling utterly relaxed.

On arrival at the airport I was personally met, bags carried and then taken directly to the hotel via speedboat where they proceeded to fleece me for $900 ‘blocked’ on my credit card. Hahahahh dream on Sheraton. I’m planning not to have a bill at the end. I’m paid up and half board.

I wasn’t even motion sick on the boat which is incredible. My room is lovely. I’m directly on the beach and upstairs above another hut. My view is gorgeous. My plan was to pack, wander over for dinner and then sit in the lobby area online and already start boring the arse off everyone with my pics. I’m going to wait for this storm to pass a bit. I should get some pictures!

25 more things about me

 I was going to write about my new job today but have decided it's far too early in the day.
I have nothing interesting to say and so what could be more dull than 25 more things about me.

1. I never had a crush on a school teacher/lecturer. However in my final teaching practice, my mentor had a crush on me and made a massively inappropriate pass at me whilst 'helping me' apply for jobs. Having been told this was not on, he turned up to my Saturday job with kids in tow to apologise. Spot on! 
2. I lived for 18 months in a caravan. Some days I'd just come home and cry. The floor was rotten, there were rats and often no hot water. I did it to be with my fiancee. Never again.
3. I have been told over the years that I look like- Elizabeth Hurley, Neve Campbell & Uma Thurman. Less joyous was being told I looked like Monica Lewinsky and Richard Vranch. (http://richardvranch.com/)
4. I have changed my name by deed poll twice. I will never change my name again. It is too much agro - not even if Sam Worthington goes down on one knee.
5. My own marriage proposal was made outside a nightclub toilet.
6. I spent Millennium New Year in London. It was one of the all time worst nights ever. We lost my 4'11 friend within minutes and then all the phones crashed. It was a shit night spent wondering how we'd explain to our friend's parents that she was 'somewhere' on the Embankment amongst 999,999 other people.
7. My claims to fame are - I have met Derren Brown. I shook his hand, asked him a question and he was perfectly lovely. The drummer from Dexys' Midnight Runners played for my Dad's band Windjammer before making Come on Eileen and other hits ????
8. Once when the girls who lived above my flat in Bath kept me and my bf awake at hideous o clock when we both had to get up early the next day, I cut their power. It was funny.
9. My nose is pierced. I'll be 34 soon. I had it done at 19 and every so often I wonder if I'm too sad and old for it. On the day I had it done, so did my friend. She decided the stud was too big and removed it within 10 minutes to replace with smaller stud. There was a lot of blood and some terrified children in Sainsbury's.
10. I am phobic about blood tests, well specifically veins. I once passed out at school watching a kidney dialysis procedure on video. To this today I have to be accompanied by my mum and have several staff restraining/calming me. It is a major NHS operation to take a few mls of blood from me.
11. My favourite book is Jerome K Jerome's Three Men In a Boat. I read it after I was told I was a philistine for not having read it. This was also on final teaching practice. My mentor was oddly jealous of the male teacher who told me about the book and so ceased speaking to me for a day.
12. I have an extensive 'self help' section in my personal library. FYI don't bother with The Sedona Method .... EVER- it is the the biggest load of horse crap I have ever read. Apart from when I was loaned a Jackie Collins book for 'escapism' and couldn't read beyond page 50. Drivel. Utter drivel.
13. I am allergic to horses. They hate me. They always bite me.
14. I invented Bearngo. Bingo with a Bear Grylls theme. Our secretary at work had a major crush and it was her 40th birthday theme. I also made 'Bear' party bags. I'm a saddo.
15. My primary school once sat me between the two naughtiest boys in the class on a school trip for my 'good influence' on them. I wound them up good and proper and they got in worse trouble than ever before.
16. Never fall asleep next to me on a coach trip. You will wake up in full make up. One ex boyfriend did not find this amusing.
17. At a fireworks party, my family thought it would be funny to spell out the bad c word with sparklers. It was funny. 
18. I have owned 3 cars since I learned to drive. Two of them have been Ford KA's. I drive one now.  Oddly enough I bought it EXACTLY 9 years after the first one...to the day.
19. I am interested in Buddhism. When I did the Metta Bhavana practice - my 'neutral person' became a friend and my 'difficult person' apologised to me out of the blue and recently wrote me a gushing letter of thanks and appreciation. Powerful stuff. 
20. I took my first flight abroad at the age of 12. I travelled alone and stayed with a family I didn't know but who were friends of my father. This horrifies some people but I think it was a good thing. 
21. This year I'm taking a 10 day holiday alone to the Maldives. I don't need to sell my gran after all.
22. I'm studying for British Sign Language 1. Yesterday I learned the word cauliflower - I'm sure it'll be very useful.
23. I should be on commission from Danny Wallace. I have probably shifted more of his books than Waterstones. I tell EVERYONE to read his stuff. Danny is my god. 
24. I have a blue belt in kick-boxing.
25. This year I invested in prescription sunglasses. It is a revelation! I can see AND drive in the sun!
    

Worse things happen at sea....

I'm doing a nightly meditation under strict instructions from my mother. Once again I have reached 'danger zone' on my worry and stress levels and something has to give. With luck it won't be me.
Every night when I go to bed, I have a 15 minute guided meditation with soothing music and some nice person saying nice things to me for a quarter of an hour. It's worth a shot. It's certainly nicer than Apeface next door hollering and banging on the wall.
I've mentioned Apeface before, in my post Leopards never change their spots. He's a prat of the highest order. I now have a battle on with my neighbour who is trying to pretend her dumb-arse boyfriend Apeface is not REALLY living there (her benefits will suffer) and that he isn't REALLY keeping us all awake. Silly little girl- I will win.

A friend of mine said to me today that despite this and other things I am currently worried about, Worse things happen at sea and that there are monsters there too. Apparently worse than the kraken, though I find that hard to believe - Unless of course you mean the woman who until then end of February, I worked for- now she I DO believe is a monster. Incidentally, last man standing at my previous workplace is no longer standing. We did all jump ship as I predicted. Time will tell whether jumping into monster ridden seas was a better option than working for one.

Meanwhile I wait for my CRB check to come through and have never been more painfully aware that a watched pot never boils. I'm as squeaky clean as they come so it's all very frustrating.
Next Tuesday I have to travel to Cambridge to register at another agency. I cannot WAIT to get this all sorted. This leads me nicely to my next thought...

 I have also been thinking a lot about William and the very lovely Kate now the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Some years ago...and we're talking a loooong time now, I thought it would be rather nice if William married me. We share a birthday (though he never sends me a card). This is about all I can think of that we would have in common. Watching Kate and her father walk down the aisle of Wabbey (they call themselves that on Twitter) I thought it was probably for the best that William had not met me at Bath Spa University and seen me in some see through lacy get up. If my father made it up the aisle of Westminster Abbey, that would be a remarkable feat in itself. He is about as unfit a man as you can imagine, having decided to give up on food and concentrate solely on alcohol as fuel. We are also estranged, him having pretty much decided that his children were of little importance to him. My parents have been divorced a long time. I'm pretty sure that would be 'frowned upon' by the Palace too. Yes they have their divorces, but in 'commoners' coming in, NOT so desirable.
I'm also pretty sure they would not like my attitude to their pastimes and sporting interests. I'm in camp 'fox' and not in camp 'twat on a horse'. Like my mother frequently says, the idea of sport should be a genuine competition. Not where one side is HUGELY outnumbered and had no choice about their participation. I think it'd be interesting to send the royals out and chase them down on horseback for fun. See how sporting they thought it was then?

I'd not have been as dignified as Kate either. Her peering over her shoulder at the crowd as she left the balcony and her 'Oh wow' would have been me jumping up and down and making a show of myself. I wore a green dress on my wedding day - I'm guessing that wouldn't have been ok either.

Tomorrow it is the AV vote. I shall be voting the way Mr Cameron does NOT want me to vote. What will be will be. Worse things happen at sea. David Cameron and George Osborne could be running the country.
Oh wait.....

and the next line is.......

 A short one today and probably tedious but I'm less ranty today and feeling upbeat. So you can share in my sunnier mood. FYI the flower is one we sell and it is today's favourite. 
This week at work it's been alright. I earn sod all. There is no earthly way I could continue living in my house and earn what I'm on now for very long.
However, as people keep reminding me, I am healthy and I'm considerably healthier than I was in Autumn and Winter and I'm certainly not blaming the seasons.
Up in the call centre this week I was a little taken aback when I was on a call and had a giant tub of Cadbury's Creme eggs waved under my nose to help myself to. This was followed by tubs of chilled drinks and yesterday, ice lollies.
Today I was approached by my team leader, and in my usual way, I expected I'd cocked up. No, I was being invited to take a break from the phones to come and play a quiz game with some fellow employees. It was a finish the next song line game. We did alright. (I got 11 right and came 2nd to Joe who got 13.) "We" as in the people who work the same contract as me, are playing against "them" the other major contract our firm deals with. Yes I really did just say 'our firm'. I'm starting to feel part of the furniture. All the major players in the office know my name - not sure if that's good or bad but I've not yet been kicked up the arse for anything. I have my group of buddies I sit with every day and it's ok. I'm SO much happier than I was in Mordor. I have my sanity.
There was a point just before Christmas back in Mordor where I really did think I'd lost the plot. I know I haven't now.

I've just got off the phone with my mum. I am panicking about the future and whether this supply work will start when I need it to but we both said that everything really does happen for a reason and maybe at the time you just can't see it. We think I might have had this time to get better from the three years of stress that have been accumulating. I certainly felt more stress free than I did at all since last August coming out of work today. The sun was shining, I had a purse full of vouchers for Tesco with which to eek out a week's shop but I didn't feel like my mind had gone.

There is much to be said for my friend's words of wisdom.
Health is wealth.