and the next line is.......

 A short one today and probably tedious but I'm less ranty today and feeling upbeat. So you can share in my sunnier mood. FYI the flower is one we sell and it is today's favourite. 
This week at work it's been alright. I earn sod all. There is no earthly way I could continue living in my house and earn what I'm on now for very long.
However, as people keep reminding me, I am healthy and I'm considerably healthier than I was in Autumn and Winter and I'm certainly not blaming the seasons.
Up in the call centre this week I was a little taken aback when I was on a call and had a giant tub of Cadbury's Creme eggs waved under my nose to help myself to. This was followed by tubs of chilled drinks and yesterday, ice lollies.
Today I was approached by my team leader, and in my usual way, I expected I'd cocked up. No, I was being invited to take a break from the phones to come and play a quiz game with some fellow employees. It was a finish the next song line game. We did alright. (I got 11 right and came 2nd to Joe who got 13.) "We" as in the people who work the same contract as me, are playing against "them" the other major contract our firm deals with. Yes I really did just say 'our firm'. I'm starting to feel part of the furniture. All the major players in the office know my name - not sure if that's good or bad but I've not yet been kicked up the arse for anything. I have my group of buddies I sit with every day and it's ok. I'm SO much happier than I was in Mordor. I have my sanity.
There was a point just before Christmas back in Mordor where I really did think I'd lost the plot. I know I haven't now.

I've just got off the phone with my mum. I am panicking about the future and whether this supply work will start when I need it to but we both said that everything really does happen for a reason and maybe at the time you just can't see it. We think I might have had this time to get better from the three years of stress that have been accumulating. I certainly felt more stress free than I did at all since last August coming out of work today. The sun was shining, I had a purse full of vouchers for Tesco with which to eek out a week's shop but I didn't feel like my mind had gone.

There is much to be said for my friend's words of wisdom.
Health is wealth.

Fragility

 I just had to check that fragility was actually a word. It is.
I'm calling my post that today because you often don't realise how fragile something is until it isn't there any more. This month has been tough. I'm writing this at 3.40pm on a Thurs pm. I ought to be at work. I'm not. I've just been signed off for a month. This was a compromise. The doctor wanted me to be off for two.
My immune system is pretty shocking at the moment and I've come down with all sorts. I know that there are many factors contributing to this. Mainly it is my job.
I've been secure and happy there for a long time and am the first to say that my job keeps me sane when all else is going wrong.
I don't have that now and it is remarkable how quickly that has had an effect on my health. My health is more fragile than I thought. My doctor said in mocking tones- 'you're a bit of a wreck, aren't you?'
I'm off with amongst other things; a nasty ear and chest infection and some kind of skin bug. Yuk. I feel revolting. Revolting in that I feel unwell and that I have a skin bug.
Urlgh. See I KNEW the blisters were NOT ok.
 My body and brain have reached a point now where they have decided enough is enough. I don't seem to be able to deal with any more emotional trauma and this month there has been A LOT of it. Some of it was expected, some was not.
Fortunately, my boss was quite understanding and has wished me well and intends not to send me home work to do over the next four weeks.
Some of my friends are being great too. They know who they are. 

Also proving to be very fragile this month are two of our family cats. One we said goodbye to on Sunday. Another we have bid our goodbyes today. She is off to the vet soon and she won't be coming home. We are very sad. Very recently, the two of them seemed fine. Old and showing signs of age, but not sick like this week.

So what do I intend to do about it?
Well I now have a month. The first thing I began doing was looking for pastures new with regards to my job. I've signed up to various sites that are education based and I will be mailed suitable jobs. But I've been looking further afield too. I also applied for a job yesterday which is not related to school at all, but one of my other passions. In my own over used words, 'we'll see!'
I'm disappointed in this post as I always intend to keep an upbeat tone and it's not been so obvious recently. I need some very big changes again in my life.


For the rest of today I will be watching crap on TV, reading trashy mags and novels and picking up the rest of my very long prescription if I can muster up the energy.

R and R for me then.
And RIP for my pussy cats. We love you very much!

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

 I've not written anything for a while because the weather has been too nice. Not weather conducive to wanting to rant and blog. Neither for that matter writing reports, but I HAVE to do those.
I bought myself some scary white trousers this week. I say scary because I  own a filth magnet of a dog and work with young children. In my infinite wisdom, I intend to wear them tomorrow (eek) but I'm going to do it, regardless of the danger because they are about as summery as clothing gets. Now I just have to wait the 4 weeks for my Fake Bake and I shall look the part properly.
I have sat in my garden reading for much of the day after a weekend of strawberry picking and pub with friends, dog walks and Italian markets. The Italian market is usually a bit of a free for all, but as England were being thrashed by Germany 4-1, it was quiet and relaxed.
It's been good. I have even inflated the paddling pool I bought for my dog 2 years ago and which he has forever shunned. I think if I threw in some mud, algae and left it there for a few weeks, he'd find it an altogether more appealing prospect. But the clean, cool water, he shuns.
Tomorrow is meant to be nice again so perhaps by then it won't be hideously cold to dip my feet in.
It's also been my birthday this week and after last years very exciting surprise trip to see Derren Brown, I didn't expect it to be topped. But it was. I had a great day. I really feel like life is going in the right direction.
I also don't mind too much being told how well I look. I am well, better than ever.
The trouble is with this sort of weather, it leaves me feeling so very content, that I crave more of it and start to wish I lived this way all year round. I do so very much want to be in a sunny climate. The winter makes me miserable and the sun just makes me feel that every second must be cherished as all too soon, it is gone and I will be back in my winter coat. My sister is making plans to move to sunnier climes again and my other sister has just returned from 2 weeks in Egypt. As yet, I have no holiday booked. Perhaps I'll be spending all my summer with my feet in a paddling pool, rather than an infinity pool drinking mojitos!!
I am also sending in two applications this week. One to become an AST. At last an opportunity has arisen and I have it well and truly in my sights, and second, to become a volunteer.
Though I rant and bemoan little things, I have it pretty good and it's time to give a bit back.
Sunshine lollipops and rainbows everything...

Health and Fitness

This evening I went for my first run in well over a decade. I was keen, enthusiastic and clad in lycra. The lycra was probably a bad idea because I am not Kylie when it comes to my bum.
As I like to say; Not quite Kylie, not yet Lisa Riley. If you don't know Lisa Riley, Google her.

In preparation for my first run since I was in sixth form, I purchased 'serious running gear' ie lycra trousers and trainers. The trainers were non negotiable as I suffer from shin splints since my last 'serious' attempt at exercise when I became a blue belt in kickboxing. This is what I do. I buy the kit, decide it will be part of my new life, and then discover I am crap at it. Why I could not just have managed with my trackies instead of cropped lycra Addidas running trousers is anybody's guess.
Fortunately, I ran with people I love and trust.
Before we went I enthusiastically asked-
"So how far are we running?"
"About a mile and a half- takes about 15 minutes."
"Is that all? Are we going twice?"
"You haven't run since sixth form, let's see how we get on today"

OH MY GOD! I did in fact mange to run 75% of the way and walk for the rest, but really. I sounded like Mutley when I got back. I was about 5 minutes behind the men. Rubbish. My sister writes her blog about her insane fitness regime and runs ALL the time. She would be ashamed.
I got back and said that my body was not tired but I had this tightness in my throat and chest- "What is that all about?"
"You're not fit"
Fair enough. I cannot blame some undiagnosed asthma or chest problem. I am an unfit slob.
I aim to improve my 75% to 100% and to decrease my time and increase my distance but I cannot see me becoming Paula Radcliffe anytime soon. I doubt whether on getting home from a lame run, Paula cracks open the wine and selects 4 of Gordon Ramsay's finest chocs to shovel into her Mutley face. As I type this, I am drinking rose from a tumbler. Classy and healthy.

I've never been the embodiment of fitness I'd like to be. Over the years I've tried all sorts. After one relationship I was in ended, I was so distraught, I joined a gym but was utter rubbish and would count the minutes down before I could leave.
I did become a kickboxer for some years which I loved but I never shifted the excess 14lbs I was carrying despite the twice a week, very hard class.
I took up swimming in 2009 and have been doing that week in week out for over 12 months but I only stick to that so I don't let my brother in law down. We are partners and neither of us would stick to it without the other.

Now that I'm not such a miserable cow as I was last year, I need to work at keeping my weight off. I keep a picture of myself on the fridge from 5 years ago. It's hideous. I don't want to be her again.
Thus, I have taken up running.

I would imagine that a health professional would advise a healthy diet alongside an exercise regime. Today my breakfast was a Cadbury's Flake washed down with a Diet Coke- 'The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast'.

I constantly seek 'easy' ways to be fit and slim. I imagine myself losing lbs on the wii fit but when I talk to people who have them, they don't have the sort of body I want. I'm thinking Helena in her prime. Slim but curvy and healthy looking. I am curvy, yes...but a little on the wobbly side in some areas.

As with many women, I know that as soon as I am a size 8 and have a pert bottom and toned legs, my life will be complete. I will meet somebody incredible and everything will be marvellous.
Until then, I will be Mutley, trying not to be noticed in my lycra.