We'll see...

Anyone who spends any time talking to me will have noticed that this has become my tagline of late. To pretty much everything I'm asked - I say "We'll see."
I am very non committal.
What's the new boss like? "We'll see"
What's happening with the job application - "It's on hold, we'll see."
This Summer I'm beginning the task of redrafting and with luck, finishing my book for children, which I began many moons ago. I was asked how it was going today.............."We'll see"

I think my attitude to life is a healthy one though. The days of allowing the birds of worry to nest in my hair are mostly behind me and I am looking at my future as more of an interesting journey and I have no idea about the destination. It used to worry me. Now it doesn't. I tend to think that whatever happens, I'll be ok and that old chestnut "What will be will be" is a good one to which I am subscribing. 

I decided this week, on the anniversary of when I went on a Buddhist retreat, to contact someone I met there who is as bright and sunny a person as I've ever met. I had an incredible time at the retreat. I'd never done anything like it before and was not even that familiar with Buddhism. It was wonderful. We lived without TV and phones and ate simply, spending our time chatting and drinking tea...oh and there was the getting lost in the Badwell Ash Triangle. The best part was the people. I can't say I have ever met a more likeable group of people as I did that weekend. Despite the age of communication we live in, I only  keep in touch with one. I wondered how he was doing. He's doing well and has had a good year. I told him I had too and we sent each other some messages about what we'd both been up to. He's done some holidaying, he's met some great people, he's loving his job still and so am I. We've both been a bit slack on the meditation front! When I finished talking about what I'd been doing and what was in the pipeline for the future, including my 101 list, I signed off,
"We'll see"..... and I really meant it. I am not worried about what lies ahead and whatever is meant for me will not pass me by. I have to just settle in and enjoy the journey there.

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

 I've not written anything for a while because the weather has been too nice. Not weather conducive to wanting to rant and blog. Neither for that matter writing reports, but I HAVE to do those.
I bought myself some scary white trousers this week. I say scary because I  own a filth magnet of a dog and work with young children. In my infinite wisdom, I intend to wear them tomorrow (eek) but I'm going to do it, regardless of the danger because they are about as summery as clothing gets. Now I just have to wait the 4 weeks for my Fake Bake and I shall look the part properly.
I have sat in my garden reading for much of the day after a weekend of strawberry picking and pub with friends, dog walks and Italian markets. The Italian market is usually a bit of a free for all, but as England were being thrashed by Germany 4-1, it was quiet and relaxed.
It's been good. I have even inflated the paddling pool I bought for my dog 2 years ago and which he has forever shunned. I think if I threw in some mud, algae and left it there for a few weeks, he'd find it an altogether more appealing prospect. But the clean, cool water, he shuns.
Tomorrow is meant to be nice again so perhaps by then it won't be hideously cold to dip my feet in.
It's also been my birthday this week and after last years very exciting surprise trip to see Derren Brown, I didn't expect it to be topped. But it was. I had a great day. I really feel like life is going in the right direction.
I also don't mind too much being told how well I look. I am well, better than ever.
The trouble is with this sort of weather, it leaves me feeling so very content, that I crave more of it and start to wish I lived this way all year round. I do so very much want to be in a sunny climate. The winter makes me miserable and the sun just makes me feel that every second must be cherished as all too soon, it is gone and I will be back in my winter coat. My sister is making plans to move to sunnier climes again and my other sister has just returned from 2 weeks in Egypt. As yet, I have no holiday booked. Perhaps I'll be spending all my summer with my feet in a paddling pool, rather than an infinity pool drinking mojitos!!
I am also sending in two applications this week. One to become an AST. At last an opportunity has arisen and I have it well and truly in my sights, and second, to become a volunteer.
Though I rant and bemoan little things, I have it pretty good and it's time to give a bit back.
Sunshine lollipops and rainbows everything...

Life-changing mail boxes

 I posted a letter this evening to the local deaf centre. I have enrolled for BSL1 which starts in September. I am really excited about this because it's been one of my goals for a long time - it's number 6 on the 101 Goals list, and I am sure it will be a good move career wise.
As I put it in the box, I thought about all the other letters I've posted in there and from my email box that have changed aspects of my life. The very simple task of pressing 'send' or putting that envelope into that red box has enormous power. At this point, you will either be thinking I am insane and wonder why must I ponder everything so deeply, or you will be with me.
Into my village post box, I have sent letters to my solicitor regarding my dog, my divorce etc, letters to court, letters to television production companies and many more that have had big impact on my life. My email is the same. I have sent overseas job applications, told my local MP exactly how I feel about hunting, told Nick Clegg exactly how I feel about his part in it, signed up for 3 mile races, got in touch with people after many years of silence, and most recently, volunteered myself.
Last week I registered with a volunteering service. In a moment of interference in a friend's life, I suggested he curb his drinking and moaning he is bored all the time by volunteering. Instead, he went to the pub and continues to moan that he is bored and I have signed up. Thus far, I've had my welcome letter and the woman I'm meant to liase with keeps ringing me at funny times and we have missed each other 5 times. Anyway, it'll work out and I'm excited about another new chapter in my life.
I did another spot of interfering tonight with a different friend who I have some ideas for. I think it's time for a new chapter in her life too. I am very keen for her to become as successful as she's trying to become and without being a giant pain in the arse, I'm interfering. I hope my posts to her this evening will change her life for the better.
My sister is doing some life changing posting this week too. Yesterday she contemplated a new country of choice to live in, this morning she applied for a job by email, by the early afternoon, they called her. She has been using my 101 goals idea but the Universe is working quicker for her than me! 

At the weekend my best friend and I tried to describe each other in 3 words. She said mine were;
Loyal
Outspoken
Goal Orientated
My posting online and in the red box this week have been all about those things.

101 Goals

I was given a copy of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne et al for Christmas 2008 by someone who needed to absorb the book's message a lot more than I did. However, absorb it I did, and in fact went on to read The Key to Living the Law of Attraction (or A Total Muppet's Guide To Putting All That Stuff From The Secret Into Practice By Making A Lot Of Lists) by Jack Canfield.
Clearly I made a lot of lists.

One of my lists was 101 Goals for Life and I have made reference to it before. These goals can be as big or small as you like and are supposed to be visited regularly in order to ensure you are focused on them, which in turn, encourages The Universe to work towards your wishes too.
I don't look at my list as much as I should but there are now 11 ticked off and others are beginning to happen. They vary enormously from wanting to have longer thicker hair; by means of miracle or ludicrously expensive extensions, to wanting to be able to pay off mortgages for my family.

I have numbers 4, 10, 19, 31, 44, 46, 51, 55, 67, 90 and 91 ticked.
They have involved tidiness, travel, pets, pampering and reading amongst others.
Others are going to require me having lots of money. Huvafen Fushi here I come http://huvafenfushi.peraquum.com/, and New Zealand, the Auroa Borealis and for a bit less money.....the Chocolate Room at the Pudding Club's Hotel http://www.threewayshousehotel.com/pc_rooms.html

Some goals are going to require me overcoming my horse allergy and my total inability to cope with even the gentlest waves on a boat.

Anyway, The Universe will conspire to make them happen I am sure. Just a few months ago I would not have thought number 9 was possible, yet it is in the pipeline and I hope 85 and 86 as well.

One I have failed. I did not purchase anything from Tiffany and Co. by the end of last year and so this will have to roll on.
And one of my goals was not a SMART goal and needs rethinking....always having something to look forward to is never something I will be able to tick as DONE.
Having goals is something I am good at. I will make it a goal to look at the list more often.

Creatures of habit

This evening it is swimming night for me. I go every week, at the same time on the same day and have done for over a year. When I get there, I will park in the same spot, or thereabouts and I will use locker number 31 as I always do and I will be quite distressed if the key is missing.
At work, I park in the same spot, I will tell visitors that nobody is precious about their tea mug and then I will find my mug, which I had specially made and nobody else is allowed to drink from.
I will begin tomorrow with a chocolate milkshake as I have done day in, day out for well over a decade.

Clearly a lot of the above borders on OCD and I have more than a light touch of that too. I will not tell you about my one time cheese price problem, or my need for cotton buds wherever I am.
I am not yet David Mitchell-esque with his alarm clock routine, but I'm getting there!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9vhfvthI2k&feature=related (the clip is about 2 minutes in)

I crave excitiement and adventure. I have written myself a list of 101 goals and have said many times in the last few months that I am bored with a lot of my life, yet I am horridly stuck in this habitual routine.
On the plus side I have ticked off 11 of these goals.............only 90 to go - (and a lottery win to make a lot of the rest happen).
Maybe I just need to shake it up a bit. Someone suggested something to me today which normally I would run a mile from...maybe I should give it a go?
Or perhaps when I go swimming next I will go for a totally different number, or try strawberry milkshake instead. - But I probably won't.