Monday, 8 March 2010

Filtering

I've had many a conversation with my mum and sisters about filtering. Some people are totally incapable of filtering their words and thoughts.
Everyone, at many times during their day, thinks something about the person they are talking to. It is not always complimentary.
The trick is to filter those thoughts and ensure THEY DO NOT ESCAPE.
For instance; after spilling lavender shampoo all over my overnight bag, someone I know remarked- 'ooh, lavender, old lady smell.'
Thanks. No, in fact Loreal for Kids shampoo.
In my younger years someone who thought he was terribly clever told me I had 'equine features'.
Yes arsehole, I know equine is horse.
When I was carrying a stone more than I am now, somebody on a course I was on said- 'Oh, are you pregnant?'
I said, 'No, just overweight thanks.'
She was mortified - GOOD.
FILTER IT.

We've all had these comments and wondered whatever posessed the person who made the remark. What made them think this was an ok thing to share?
This weekend I was told I sounded like Katie Price. OH MY GOD.
Ok, so though I may like to think I sound more like Liz Hurley, I know this is not the case.
However, I am quite certain I do not sound like the queen of all that is plastic, tacky and cheap.
I was told not to take it 'the wrong way'.
What?
What OTHER way is there to take being told 3 times, you sound like Katie Price?
If you have any ideas, do drop me a line.
I expect this sort of thing from children. They say whatever pops into their heads.
'Why is your face all covered in spots?'
I stopped eating Heinz Sandwich Spread after my long time best friend at primary school remarked once -
'It looks like sick.'
But she was 6, maybe 7.
I don't expect it from sensible adults.

I do try and filter what I say. But because of the nature of today's blog, and because they won't read it, here are a few of my, until now, filtered comments;
  • You are such a pretty girl, but please get some facial Veet
  • Oh my God, that is the worst wig I have ever seen....oh no wait, that is your actual hair!
  • I may have 'equine features', but you are hideous, have goofy teeth and Status Quo hair
  • Your clothes were ludicrously cheap and therefore look ludicrously cheap
  • No, your boyfriend is not 'wonderful', he is a freeloading sleazebag
But I have never said those things.
Like the whale shark, I filter.

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