Triggers

I have a big bottle of Vera Wang Truly Pink perfume which I bought especially for my Wedding Day. I wanted a scent that would remind me of the day whenever I smelled it. Fortunately it does not. I love the perfume but it does not remind me of the day. Other smells are very evocative of past memories. Polo Sport reminds me of being 18 and the boyfriend who bought me it. Coal tar soap always reminds me of my grandparents bathroom in Derbyshire.

I see photographs of certain places and city scapes in the world, and I desperately want to be there.

Music triggers all sorts of feelings. I am listening to a song this week that makes me want to be in love. Some pieces of music actually make me cry. Mostly they come from films. I cannot listen to the Gladiator soundtrack without getting emotional at Elysium. Wet cow. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong century. I have always been this way. Things affect me far too deeply.

People trigger the strongest feelings. Some people make me feel great and I feel happy and alive in their company. Some inspire and motivate me. Others make me want to find the nearest cliff and push them off it!
All the books I read tell me you should seek the company of those in the first group and cut those in the latter out. At work we joke about someone we know who is such an emotional vampire, we call her 'dementor'. She really is. You feel the joy leave your body when you talk to her.

I need to learn that I cannot change anyone else's behaviour but that all I can change is my own reaction to them. Water off a duck's back, smile sweetly and zone out.
Perhaps the trick is just to pretend and then it becomes second nature? I keep being told that I must not let things get to me. I wonder how this is done?
I read quite a lot of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in November. I did a lot of the exercises...made myself some promises to break behaviour patterns. I failed within hours. My own worst enemy. I know the theory...I just don't like it. CBT is back on the shelf gathering dust now.
Some research suggests that just being aware of your own flaws and patterns is a giant step. I have taken so many of these giant steps now I am Neil Armstrong!
I like to think of myself as a work in progress. One day I'll be a fabulous finished product.