A few classics

I wish I had written every funny quote down, or had a tape recorder to hand. Often, with my colleagues, we have a quote of the day competition. This is either to see who has the funniest quote, or if we can guess who said it. Anyway, these are some of the funnier ones from my career;

B asks me a question about history - and she is asking about millions of years ago.
Me- Oh, millions of years ago. Before even dinosaurs walked the earth.
B- Was Mrs G alive then?
Me- No. (But secretly wanting to say yes)

G- I've finished.
Me- Well we have 5 mins left til I stop eveyone. You can either spend that five minutes improving your work, or just sit there.
G- I'll just sit there.
Me- wrong answer.
O- Was it? I thought it was the right answer.
Me- Did you? Does that sound like me?
All children in the vicinity shake their heads.

C- I haven't done my homework yet.

Me- Ok, why's that?

C- Daddy had the runs.

Me- Ok then, don't worry about it.

If you are a parent, know that you have no secrets. I know your age, medical history and much, much more. If it's any consolation, I am afforded no privacy either. I was asked if I had finished replacing some lost work from my memory stick last week.

Me- No, I had to send some emails.

S- Who to?

Me Ha ha.

R-for no reason I know feels it suddenly necessary to share the following;
I had glass in my foot once. (and he walks away, having shared info)

Me- D, M is coming home with you today.
D- M, you are coming home with me, come and see my bed!
I am left wondering if the same line will work for him in 15 years time.

I have been reading one of my favourite childhood books to my children. The book is The Worst Witch. We are now on the second book as they loved the first so much. We got to the part where poor Mildred has been turned to a frog by her arch enemy Ethel Hallow. To cut the story short, Mildred had insulted Ethel's family and upset her sister with tales of students being turned to frogs.
Mildred, now a frog, comes to the pond and meets another frog.

Me- Who do we think this frog is? What will happen?
O- I think the big frog will try and mate with her.
Me- Not quite where I was going with that but....

My children are between the ages of 5 and 7.